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Project Wingman Pt. I: How to find a wingman

(This one is about how to find a new wingman! There, SEO – are you happy?… I mean, it’s really about my search for a new wingman following the loss, or dismissal, of Wingy (see prev. post). Originally published in two parts on Click by Lavalife.com, May 13 & May 19 2008.)

How to find a wingman – the playwright and the journalist

Date: Saturday, May 3

Name: Tim C.

Occupation: playwright

Age: 40something

Assignment: Dinner party, rock shows (2), burlesque festival after-party.

Assessment: Tim became the first participant in Project Wingman unknowingly, so I think of this as a test run. Old pals, we ran into each other at a dinner party and spent the rest of the night hanging out. Bonus points: he had a car, so I didn’t have to drive. He came out for the long haul – first to see a couple of bands he knew nothing about (Cryptacize and Kelley Stoltz, for those of you keeping track at home) and then really journeying into the unknown (the burlesque after-party). Strikes: his driving left a little to be desired (the car was a rental; I could tell he doesn’t drive much) and he seemed at a loss of what to do with himself at the after-party. Also, he’s a smoker. 6/10

In the 2002 movie Roger Dodger, Campbell Scott’s Roger schools his nephew Nick (Jesse Eisenberg) on the ways of the wingman.

Date: Tuesday, May 6

Name: Nancy L.

Occupation: journalist

Age: n/a

Assignment: A tasting of New Zealand wines at the Fairmont Waterfront in Vancouver, followed by a gala fashion show party for the organization Arts Umbrella at the fancy-pants department store Holt Renfrew, capped by a rock show.

Assessment: Nancy is always an enthusiastic party-goer, especially where wine is involved. She talks to everyone at wine-tastings to suss out the best stuff, making her an invaluable companion. She was also raring to go to the Holt thing, and more than amenable to see hip-hop/pop act Northern State at a downtown club, the Plaza [ed. note: don’t look, it’s not there anymore]. However, she wanted to leave the gala early when she ran into a co-worker she did not want to see, and didn’t want to stick it out for all of Northern State’s set. Not that I blame her – the room was dead.  7.5/10

How to find a wingman – the scientist and the librarian

Date: Friday, May 9

Name: Nicole W.

Occupation: scientist

Age: 28

Assignment: art opening; weird party; smelly punk show; slightly more civilized punk show.

Assessment: An unknown quantity met less than a week previous, Nicole proved to be a game lass as we made the rounds. She was interested in the art at the opening, and seemed slightly curious about the weird party (long story short: it was full of ex-pats from my old hometown of Winnipeg, Manitoba). The funky odor of the NOFX show got to her, I think, as did the preponderence of testosterone in the air, but she enjoyed the dance-punk of another band at a far divier locale. However, she didn’t know many people so I felt duty bound to stay close by her side most of the night. Indeed, at times it felt almost like, whuddya call ’em, a date – not necessarily a bad thing. And she matched me drink for drink. 7/10 

Sideways: an awesome example of great wingmanning on the part of Thomas Haden Church’s Jack, helping out his wine-snob buddy Miles (Paul Giamatti).

Date: Saturday May 10

Name: John W.

Occupation: librarian, know-it-all

Age: 40ish

Assignment: Detroit rock ‘n’ roll band the Dirtbombs, quiet bar

Assessment: Having known John for aeons, I’m well aware of his advantages and shortcomings as a wingman. On the plus side, he’s very independent and can talk to anyone about a seemingly endless array of subjects. On the downside, he’s not the greatest when it comes to meeting girls. Also, he does not have his own car, so I often end up driving out of my way to get him home. {Ed.’s note: I guess I was spoiled by my prev. wingmen!] On this night, he enjoyed the Dirtbombs, and it was easy enough to convince him to go for a couple of beers at one of my fave hangs, Six Acres [Ed.’s note: look! It’s still there!] But when I struck up a conversation with the two ladies at the table next to ours, he clammed up. 7/10

Date: Thursday, May 15

How to find a wingman pt 2 – the magician’s assistant and the feminist studies student

Name: Roseanna

Age: n/a

Occupation: Magician’s assistant

Assignment: the second night of the annual New Music West music festival in Vancouver, including a schmooze and several bands at various venues

Assessment: Roseanna was thrown into the whole wingman thing last minute, that very afternoon in fact, and carried it off with much aplomb. At the schmooze, she mingled easily. When we first arrived I suggested we each pick one person in the room for the other to talk to. She didn’t hesitate when I pointed to a bearded dude, who turned out to be a musician in a visiting Utah band called Good Morning Maxfield. As a result, we went to see them play at the Yale, a downtown blues bar, where we ran into Lillian, whom I know from seeing around at music shows all the time. The three of us then set out for the Libra Room [Ed.’s note – don’t look for it, it’s not there anymore] on Commercial Drive, the city’s organic foods/drum circle neighbourhood. There we saw an amazing Icelandic pop band, Sprengjuhollin. The keyboardist was hysterically funny whilst explaining song lyrics between numbers: “This one’s about hockey and maple syrup,” he said, baldly pandering to us Canadians. After their blistering, Icelandic version of “Heatwave” I told Roseanna to go up onstage and talk to them so I could get a shot for my blog. She did so without hesitation. Bonus points for keeping up drink-wise, talking about flashing her friends at her birthday party last week, and admitting, a propos of nothing, “Weed makes me horny.” 9/10

Lili Taylor’s Corey counsels John Cusack’s Lloyd on winning the girl of his dreams in Say Anything (1989).

Date: Saturday May 17

Name: Jessica H.

Age: n/a

Occupation: student (feminist studies)

Assignment: a strip club; a local music hub

Assessment: For someone who was recruited stealthily, and in fact probably unknowingly, Jessica acquitted herself rather well. I met her at a show by British indie-rock act Clinic and invited her out to join in the New Music West festivities with Lillian and I. Following an abortive attempt – it was absolutely dead at 10:30 p.m. – to check out the Penthouse, a local strip club given over to NMW bands for the weekend, we lost Lillian. Nevertheless, Jessica was up for continuing the adventure, despite my obvious lack of a plan. At the Railway Club [Ed.’s note – don’t look for it, it’s not there anymore] a local music hub, she seemed comfortable being left on her own to watch the bands while I talked to semi-important music industry folk I knew. Also, the idea of feminist studies never fails to intrigue me, so conversation between bands was interesting. Bonus points for having songs by my all-time favourite band on her iPod, for offering me gas money for the ride home, and for bopping her head, very un-Vancouver-like, to the music for each band. 8/10

Shawn Conner: Freelance journalist and author (Vengeance is Mine: The Secret History of Superhero Movies, 2023 from McFarland Books). Publisher/editor of thesnipenews.com.